From the Circus to the Mountain

by way of

The Narrow Path

The following story is an allegory. The definition of an allegory is: a story, poem, or picture that can be interpreted to reveal a hidden meaning, typically a moral or political one.

The Carnival/Circus

Off in the distance, in the dark of night, a colorful ferris wheel turned. I had had my fill of the of the cruise ship, and started my journey toward the circus I was told about by a traveler. The cruise ship was home, but I knew it was time to move on. I had learned to speak things into existence, although the things I spoke rarely came into existence (however I was assured it was a good doctrine). I had been taught how to prosper, get ahold of the blessings of God, and that faith was all I needed. But something inside drove me with a holy dissatisfaction. In other words, I couldn’t get satisfaction any longer by living for the purpose of my own life being blessed. 

The path was lonely and dark, yet there were small groups moving toward the carnival/circus. As I arrived at the entrance a large flashing sign that said, “ Revival” could be read. Instantly my soul became excited. I started to walk past the sign when the ticket grinder stopped me. “If you are here to see the show, you will have to buy a ticket.” 

“How much,” I asked. “I thought the carnival was free.” 

The grinder’s smile faded. “There is a conference fee,” he stated matter-of-factly. I quickly paid the fee he requested, because I was excited to get inside the carnival. “Welcome to the greatest ‘show’ on earth,” the grinder added. Once inside, I stopped at the first booth. It was called, “prophetic words.” The side-show worker started to give me a prophecy. The word excited my soul, as it discussed my destiny, and the great things I would do. I had read somewhere in the Bible that “The testimony of Jesus Christ was the spirit of prophecy,” so I didn’t quite understand why Christ wasn’t revealed or glorified through the prophecy. However I didn’t mind it too much at the time, because it made me feel so good. 

I passed down the row of booths. “Prophetic Training, School of the Prophetic, School of Worship,” the signs read.  I stopped at a booth called “Sozo.” “What does Sozo mean,” I asked another believer standing by. 

“It’s a Greek word for saved, healed, and delivered,” she stated with hint of surprise. “They do deliverance ministry here.”

“Oh okay,” I responded. “I have never seen demons being cast out.”

“Just don’t say ‘cast out demons’ because it can be embarrassing to people. Call it Sozo,” she snapped.  

“Well in the Bible Jesus calls it casting out demons,” I countered. I knew I had said something wrong, because she walked over to one of the ring masters and whispered in his ear. They both glared at me, and I felt really uncomfortable. After that, everywhere I walked in the circus, people treated me like an outsider. I realized that pointing out what Jesus said and did, if it differed from things in the circus, was a bad idea if I wanted to fit in to their group. It seemed like any questioning, and comparing to the scripture was not well-liked in this circle. If I was going to fit in here, I would need to accept “their teaching.”

I saw one of the ring leaders who had been overseeing the prophetic word booth that I had received a powerful word at. I went up to discuss the word with him, and see if he could offer me any advise. Obviously he had been a leader for sometime, so he would probably be able to encourage me, and teach me about the journey. However he seemed hardened to me. Before I received the powerful prophetic word about being called to ministry, he was very friendly towards me. Now it seemed something had changed. He seemed very busy with building his ministry, and said he didn’t have a lot of time. “Ministry is about seeing individual believers being transformed into the image of Christ, and building people, not organizations,” I thought to myself.

It was clear he could discern that I would not simply follow every word that he said, unlike most of ‘his’ flock. So he kept me at a distance. While under his teaching, I discovered that it was frowned upon to go around from booth to booth like I had been doing. He made it clear that only ‘unfaithful’ believers did that. In order to be apart of their family, I couldn’t be gathering with other family. This didn’t make sense to me, as I thought we were all the body of Christ. I simply wanted to learn as much as I could from the different shows. When he sensed that I wasn’t going to obey and submit to his every word, he labeled me as rebellious among the leadership. These accusations quickly spread amongst the rest of the believers, and I was under constant battle from unseen forces. I felt rejected and condemned. 

I longed to be back on the cruise ship where things were much more simple. But then I noticed the Big Top tent in the center of the circus. Thousands were flocking to the attraction and the grandstands were almost full. I quickly took a seat along side a group of experienced circus-goers. They were buzzing about the apostle and prophet that were going to be speaking. They repeatedly called them by their title instead of their name. I though of the scriptures in which Paul wrote his name first, followed by his function as an apostle. I knew something was off with this line of thinking, but didn’t say anything to the group. I had already learned my lesson. 

Finally the ‘Big Show’ started. The famous preacher stepped into the center ring. Praise erupted from the crowd. I had been taught to honor leaders, but this crowd seemed to give the minister as much glory as God Himself. Then the show began. Healing and revival were the main topics. I was surprised how little Christ, the cross, and intimacy were being preached. I wondered why Jesus never preached on miracles (He just did them), and the only thing this preacher taught on was miracles. I knew this line of reasoning would get me in further trouble. I had heard another believer already whispering to another believer, in regards to me being a troublemaker. 

As the traveling ‘apostle’ taught on healing and miracles, I sensed the crowds attention becoming more and more focusing on power and gifts. I started to discern people’s hearts. The Lord showed me people leaving their first love, Christ, for the love of ministry. I discerned that their primary focus and goal was to become like the speaking apostle. A successful minister moving in the anointing of God. By his preaching and teaching, he was actually drawing people away from Christ and trapping them in an unhealthy focus on ministry. That was because the preacher himself had an unhealthy focus on ministry, and you can only give and impart what you are. 

The glamor of the circus had attracted me, but I was surprised. I had expected this ‘thing’ to be everything that I was looking for. But the depths of Christ were missing in this show, and I knew there was more. My Spirit was longing to know the Lord in a greater way, so I pressed on. 

After the message was finished, the announcer of the event came out to help give a call to the mission field. The announcer specifically targeted the youth. Many young believers responded to the call. I wondered if these believers had the spiritual maturity to be on the frontlines of battle. I thought about the scriptures and how Paul taught that proven character must be established before leadership could be appointed and sent. Then the Spirit reminded me that it was the Lord’s harvest, and that only He could send out laborers into His harvest. To send someone without a commission could lead to a great spiritual shipwreck. I felt the Lord’s concern regarding this circus. 

Even though this circus wasn’t what I thought it would be, I knew the Lord was teaching me a great deal through this experience. He wasn’t wasting anything. In fact, I was learning just as much by people exampling ‘what not to do’ as I was from those exampling ‘how to do.’ I met a lot of good people, who seemed to be journeying as I was. I did get some good teaching, which helped me greatly along my journey. 

As I left the main attraction, I saw a concession stand serving Kool-Aid. There was a long line so I decided not to wait. I did notice that those who had already consumed the Kool-Aid were in an altered state. They seemed to think that they had all they needed. It was as if they had arrived at the final move of God, and they did not believe they could go further in Him. They started to take the attitude that they were the final movement, and God was not moving any further. However I knew this to be a deception, because this was the same attitude that believers had on the cruise ship. Just as the cruise ship was the end-of-the-line for many, the carnival/circus was the final destination for many in this group. 

As I made my way through the remainder of the carnival, I saw many teaching booths. It was interesting because all of the booths were titled with names such as, “love, mercy, compassion, and the kindness of God.” I asked someone why there are not any booths teaching about the Judge and His judgment, the King, the Master, the fear of the Lord, and the severity coming in the end times. I was told that it was the New Testament, not the old. And that believers were going to bring in an end time revival that would transform the nations and usher in the return of Christ. I asked how they received this revelation. A person told me that after they drank the Kool-Aid, the understanding came to them and the teaching made sense. Another shouted that it was time to keep drinking and making merry. 

The Carney running the ‘mercy’ booth overheard my comments. “God doesn’t judge,” he barked. “God didn’t come to judge the world, but to save the world. The Gospel is about the love and mercy of God.”

“There is no doubt that Jesus is love and that He is extremely merciful,” I started. “But I want to know all about Him. Even the aspects of Him that may make me feel uncomfortable. He is so glorious that His entire nature should be acknowledged and sought after by His creation. The scripture says, ‘For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.’ (II Corinthians 5:10 NKJV). Clearly the Lord is still judging us, and we will be judged before His throne. I would rather be judged now while I have time to change and repent, then to be judged on that day and suffer loss.” 

The carney walked up to me and glared into my eyes. “You need to leave my booth. You are causing division,” he growled. 

I walked on. I wandered if this was how Jesus felt, when He tried to tell people the truth; and they took up stones to kill Him with. I then saw a large prayer line with a sign near the entrance titled “More Lord.” I stood in it to receive prayer a number of times. I did receive a few powerful encounters with the Holy Spirit, and even a few impartations; but I perceived that some believers in the line had been camped out there for a decade or two. I was hungry for the secret place, and moved to have the deep intimacy with the Lord I had read about in a few books. I was thankful for these experiences, but I knew there was something deeper; and could not figure out why some were content with camping out here. They could of had deep intimate experiences with the Lord in the secret place, but they lacked the discipline to seek the Lord on their own. Their only relationship with the Lord was the prayer line. These seemed like the foolish virgins who were asking for oil, because they did not have any themselves. 

I had noticed a dark narrow path on the far edge of the circus, but could not make out what the dimly lite sign next to it read. I felt drawn to it, but there were so many glorious attractions in the carnival that it kept me from venturing around the area for sometime. Time went by, and it seemed as if I was there for years. My personal prophecies were starting to really add up, and I had many impartations. Many exciting and positive prophetic words were continually being posted on the jumbo screen. I could see why people chose to stay here. 

A believer approached me and asked if I would pray for him. I began to do so, but then a clown approached me and told me that I had to be on the prayer team in order to pray for people. He said I needed to be trained properly, and warned me that because I had not gone through the ministry training school; I could not minister the right way. He concluded by telling me that I was not following the proper prayer model that they use in the circus. I wandered if Jesus spitting in the dirt, making mud, and rubbing it into a man’s eyes was part of their prayer model? A bit discouraged, I walked away. 

My attention was drawn to a powerful preacher in the far corner of the carnival/circus. A large crowd was gathering so I thought I would check it out. As I got closer, I overheard a few people discussing the powerful miracles this man had performed, and referring to him as a prophet. I arrived just in time to see the “prophet” pull a young woman out of a wheelchair. The woman jumped around yelling, “I’m healed.” This seemed to draw more people to the “prophet’s” ministry. The more influential the “prophet” became, the more he taught of his abundant revelations. He explained how the Lord had showed him deep things that had remained hidden. He taught that the narrow dark path was the road to death, and that those who wanted true life should stay away from it. 

Then another “prophet” joined him. Together they performed powerful miracles. I could see they now had a massive following. Then the second “prophet” told the crowd something outstanding. “Jesus,” he said, “has come. He has been appearing and teaching me in the wilderness for the last seven days. He wants me to bring a group with me. He told me that next week, he will meet with us in the inner chambers. By these miracles that we perform, you will know that we speak the truth, and that God has sent us.”

People in the crowd gasped in amazement, while some cheered. Excitement rushed through the group. The second “prophet” took off down a wide path that lead to the wilderness. Most of the group followed him, while a few remained standing near me. Everything looked really good with what was happening, but my spirit felt uneasy. I had studied the Word of God extensively, and I remembered what Jesus warned His disciples in Matthew 24. My stomach became sickened, the more I thought about it. I thought about crying out to the people following the false prophet, but I knew that the deception had already set in, and that they would just attack me if I tried. The first false prophet locked eyes with mine. He could see that I understood what was happening. I cannot describe the darkness I felt, as his eyes burned into mine. Slowly he walked up to me and whispered in my ear, “We will take many more of your brethren with us. They have spent so little time in the secret place with their Lord, that all we have to do is show them a few circus tricks; and we have them hooked. We should really thank those titled apostles and evangelists for preaching an exalting signs, wonder, and miracles. It makes our job a lot easier when their god is ‘miracles’.” With a smug smile on his face, he turned and walked back to his platform. 

I turned back and gazed toward the center of the carnival. I was able to make out a well-known prophet on the jumbo screen. He was prophesying of global peace, prosperity, and safety. Instantly the Holy Spirit brought numerous scriptures to my mind that contradicted the prophets’s word. I felt confusion surrounding me like a cloud. I decided to look at the narrow path that had drawn my attention so many times. As I approached, I could finally make out what was on the sign. It read, “Mark 8:34-35. After a quick reference to my Bible I understood what the path was. It was a path to death, but not like the false prophet taught. It was a path to losing my self-life by carry the cross of sufferings, and following after Jesus. If I did this, the life of Christ would manifest in me and through me. I knew this was what I was searching for. 

I gazed up to where the narrow path led. Steep steps ascended a tall mountain. I had not been able to see the mountain at all before, because the bright lights from the circus had blinded my eyes. The merry—go-round of activities actually kept me from seeing anything except myself. I saw one of the ring leaders approaching, so I started down the trail very rapidly. I knew this was the path I must take, if I wanted to complete my journey with the Lord. I picked up a cross that was laying to the side of the path, and started up the first few steps. 

The Narrow Path


I had been traveling by myself for a few weeks. The solitude was difficult to get used to, but it gave me an opportunity to spend time in the secret place with the Lord. I found that silent prayer was the key for ushering in the Lord’s presence. As I would wait silently and focus on Jesus, His wonderful presence would fill me (His Temple). He was becoming my life. I had great experiences at the circus, but this was far better. This was the meaning of life that I was looking for, being in the very presence of the great King. Words could not describe the fulfillment I felt. I was in perfect peace. His love filled me. He healed my wounds. Each day He seemed to become greater and greater in me, as I was being transformed into His image. I had heard a few performers speak of waiting on God while I was at the circus, but judging by their performance schedules; they rarely had anytime to practice what they were preaching. Their performances were their lives. Now I had found Christ as my life. Christ became my food and my drink. His presence flowed into me and gave me life. Time began to go by rapidly. Months in His presence felt like a few days. 

One day I started thinking about some of whom I had considered the most spiritual people at the carnival. They had moved in the gifts of the Spirit, and always had prophetic words. Yet there was a lack of holiness and devotion in their lives. I couldn’t discern it clearly at the time, but now I could see that these believers were spiritually immature. In pride, they wanted others to see them as spiritual, and many did because of the gifts operating. The Holy Spirit reminded me of how Judas operated in miracles, and healing; and then betrayed Jesus. Judas appeared spiritual on the outside, but inwardly he was a slave to sin. Judas’ was the bad tree that bore bad fruit. His character was his bad fruit. I loved listening to the teaching of the Holy Spirit. Since I was alone with Him so much, He became my best friend. I came to love Him deeply. 

Lost in thought, I was startled to see a small group of people approaching me. “Why are they coming down the path I wandered?” 

“Pay attention to what is coming out of the overflow of their hearts,” the Holy Spirit whispered. 

A man in a bright yellow jacket approached me first. “Better turn around,” he said. “I thought I would be in ministry by now, but this path is never ending. I was given a lot of words about a large ministry I would have if I followed the Lord, but I surely took a wrong turn. Just trying to save you the trouble of journeying up this wretched mountain. I should have completed the ministry school at the carnival. The ring leader promised me a spot there. I had expected God to meet me up here on the mountain, and bring my promises and ministry forth; but He did not.”

A woman in a green jacket followed close behind the man. She had been talking to a few people behind her, but when she saw me she stopped. “We are headed back down if you want to come? I have to get back to a healing ministry. The Lord allowed a disease in my body, and it’s gone on for years. I can’t believe He would do that. I served Him faithfully, and even ventured up this dark mountain to follow Him. I was taught that He heals all the sick among His people. This can’t be the way. I have to get back to the circus, so I can sit under the healing ministry.” 

As soon as she stopped speaking, I heard a voice behind me saying, “This is the way, walk in it” (Isaiah 30:20-21). 

The small group tried to talk me into going back with them, but my resolve was firm. I could see that “Failed Expectations” and “Offense Towards God” had taken ahold of their hearts. These wounds led to disappointment that had nearly crippled their journey with the Lord. The Holy Spirit reminded me of a scripture in John chapter six when Jesus didn’t behave how His disciples wanted Him to: “As a result of this many of His disciples abandoned Him, and no longer walked with Him.” (John 6:66 AMP). These disciples had put their hand to the plow, and looked back. I discerned that the disciples who turned away from the Lord in these last days would be extremely vulnerable to falling away from Christ and taking the mark of the beast which number is 666 (as John 6:66 foreshadows). But I abided in Christ and His grace propelled me further up the path.

About three months later I passed a sign that read, “Therefore let us go forth to Him, outside the camp, bearing His reproach.” (Hebrews 13:13 NKJV). The Lord shined light into my spirit. I understood that this was the path away from the established religious system. I was walking with Jesus away from this religious camp/circus/carnival. I was drinking of His cup of sufferings, by being an outcast from this religious system, just as my Master was. This forged an even stronger bond with my Master. I enjoyed walking the same path as Him, even if I was physically alone. “A disciple is not greater than his Teacher,” I told myself. 

A few years had gone by since I encountered the group. It was a lonely road. I reflected on how painful the solitude was. I had begun to lose all hope for having a ministry, or seeing the prophetic words that I had been given come to pass. If I would have played the game that the circus/carnival people wanted me to play, then I’m sure my ministry would have come forth by now. But this path was death. Was the false prophet actually right? Was the group of people right? I felt like I was dying on the mountain. Each day felt like a new death. I died daily. A few years turned into a decade. The pain I felt on most days was too much for me to bear. I asked the Lord to remove it, but He would not. I finally understood why Moses didn’t want to go back to Egypt when the Lord appeared to him and commissioned him. At age 40 he was ready to take on the whole nation by himself and be a deliverer to Israel. At age 80 he was a broken man. His self-life had been stripped and he knew that he could do nothing apart from God. He no longer wanted to be the savior of his people. 

The Lord enabled me to understand that if I had not chosen to embark on the narrow path, I would be riding the prophetic merry-go-round at the carnival for decades. He showed me that many in His church were trapped in this cycle. I had even seen this begin to happen to me when I was walking around the carnival. Each day I would check the prophetic word board for the newest revelation that was posted by the circle of prophets called “The 400.” I realized that during that time I was a spiritual baby, because I was sucking the spiritual milk of what my soul wanted to hear. On this narrow path, I received revelation directly from the King Himself. Although He did not give me revelation in vision form. It was an inward understanding that came from beholding the Lord inwardly. Someone had prophesied I would be a ‘seer’ back at the circus. For a time I had thought they missed it, because I was not seeing anything. Then I realized that I was seeing without seeing visions or dreams. The inward knowing and understanding I received from being with the Lord was spiritual sight indeed. In fact, I started to see more clearly than those who were constantly having prophetic experiences. I found that in the Lord, was hidden all the treasures of wisdom and understanding. Simply being with Him released the revelation to me. The hidden life with Christ was far greater than the glamour and excitement of the prophetic merry-go-round. I found out that those words never filled my spirit like being silent before the Lord did. Those words could not impart the fullness of life, because Christ is the life. 

I also felt the pain that my Master felt as I journeyed with my cross. He had allowed me to be mistreated, rejected, and forsaken by the people at the carnival; just as He Himself had been by His own people (Isaiah 53:3). He had been healing me of these wounds for many years now.  I realized that because of the hurt and wounds that I had shut myself off from my brethren, wanting nothing to do with them. This had caused me to sit in the ditch for a few years, when I could have been marching up the mountain. I didn’t even realize I was in the ditch, until the Holy Spirit finally pulled me out. I guess offense towards God had set in as well, because I thought things would going differently for me when I was journeying up the mountain. I now see that the Holy Spirit was trying to warn me through the disciples who had turned back. However I was so blinded by my strong self-life that I couldn’t see my own issues properly. The cross that I was carrying up the path had been digging into my skin and causing me to bleed for years. My flesh was falling off with each passing day. Some days I didn’t want to go on, or think I could go on. But Holy Spirit was greater in me than the Anti-Christ spirits that were opposing me every step of the way. I found out that the greatest warfare a believer can experience is when one has set their heart to be the Lord’s bride, and to go all the way with Him. Satan hates this and opposes it furiously.

The Mountain

After a decade of carrying my cross, I finally made it to the top of the mountain. The Holy Spirit had done it! He had got me here. I fell down and dropped my cross as I crested the peak. I had made it. I took deep breaths as tears flowed down my cheeks. I knew that I would now encounter the Lord in a new way and know Him in a greater degree. A minister of light pulled me to my feet and gave me strength to stand. “I’ll help you on it,” he stated. 

“What,” I exclaimed. 

“The Cross,” he said. “You’ll need help getting on it.”

I stood there in shock. It never occurred to me that I would be nailed to my cross. I thought I just had to carry it. Instantly the word Jesus spoke about being baptized into His death, popped into my mind. Sorrow flooded my heart. I was barely able to carry the cross up the mountain. How could I survive being nailed to it?

“That is the point,” the Holy Spirit said inside of me. “Remember what Paul said?” “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God...” (Galatians 2:20 NKJV). “You were carrying your cross to a location. The place of the crucifixion. The suffering of carrying your cross does a work in you, but it is not complete. Carrying your cross has prepared you for dying on the cross. This is where the most important work is done. This is where you die and Christ lives.”

I had forgot about the baptism of death until now. I remembered my Master’s words, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain.

If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also. If anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor.” John 12:24, 26 NKJV

I screamed out in pain as the ministers of light put the nails into me, and raised the cross. I still couldn’t believe I was here. I didn’t want to be, but I knew I had to go through it. The pain was so great that I may have got down if I could have. But I could not get down. I felt the presence of God leave me. I understood a small portion of what Jesus felt when sin, death, and darkness was put on Him. “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me,” I cried out. The pain of my self-life dying was almost unbearable. However the pain of not feeling the presence of God was far worse. I understood what Hell was like, being eternally separated from the Lord’s presence. To have walked in such a thick presence on my journey up the mountain, only to lose it, was more harsh than any physical pain could ever be. It was the worst kind of torment imaginable. This was the worst trial I had ever gone through. I understood that there was no greater suffering. The Lord had become my friend, and His presence was my life. I knew in my spirit that He was with me, but to lose the closeness and connection to Him was torture. Weeping and gnashing of teeth. 

I had great difficulty focusing on the Lord. All I could feel was death and pain. I longed for the most painful day in the wilderness of carrying my cross. That day was blissful compared to what I was now experiencing. I knew that I should have been more thankful for my past season. The time I had alone with the Lord in the past was more precious than any earthly treasure. I regretted trying to rush through that season, and not taking more time to enjoy it. My own life was devastated on the cross. It must have went on for what seemed like a couple years. Finally I blacked out. 

The Resurrection 

To be continued............

-Ty Unruh (2020)